They're not giving you a hard time

There's a phrase I've loved for a long time: they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time.

This week I came across another one: all behaviour makes sense with enough information.

So often, how we frame our child's behaviour feeds straight into our response. If we see it as personal, as intentional, as manipulative, it becomes harder to respond in a manner that does not escalate the situation.

Look at how different these statements feel:

"My child is pushing my buttons" vs. "I'm feeling frustrated in response to their behaviour".

Whatever the 'truth' of a situation, I often ask myself: What story about their behaviour leads to a compassionate response?

I can still hold my boundaries about how their emotions are expressed.

I can still address their behaviour once the meltdown has subsided.

But if they're having a hard time, then what they need is support in that moment, not a reprimand.

When your child is melting down or treats you in a manner you dislike, what story do you reach for?

This week, when you're describing your child's behaviour to someone, notice the words you use.

If you catch yourself reaching for "they're being so disrespectful" or "they were being such a little [x]", see if you can stay in a place of observation, not interpretation.