Certainty isn't evidence

A couple of weeks ago I came across a LinkedIn post that made me chuckle, then frustrated me. I decided a newsletter was the better place to say why.

The post opened with: "Never say 'use your words' to an autistic child who struggles with spoken communication." The rationale they provided resonated with me. The author was a founder and executive director of an advocacy non-profit — so who am I to disagree?

And yet, sometimes we say that to our neurodivergent child, who has significant speech delay, and it seems to be helping. For us it's a statement of belief in her ability, not an attempt to shame or push her. As speech has emerged, part of building her confidence has been helping her see that her words can do everything her signs, pointing and sounds already do — and more. Home is where it's safe to practise, so she can discover that speech might give her more independence out in the world — in a playground, say, meeting a child who doesn't know her signs.

What struck me is that certainty isn't evidence; and what may work in one family might not work in another.

Each situation involves a unique child, with unique parents, in unique circumstances. Sometimes we drop advice because we're certain it won't work for our child. Sometimes we keep following advice because someone else was certain it would.

Same with checklists for kids. Plenty of advice says they don't work for a child with PDA. They did for mine, but I refuse to turn that into a prescription for your child.

What piece of parenting advice are you following — or ignoring — based more on who said it rather than on whether it actually works for your child?

Next time someone in the parenting space says "Never" or "Always," consider turning it into a question instead. ("Should we ever say 'use your words' to an autistic child who struggles with spoken communication?") See what answer shows up. Curiosity seems to fit parenting advice better than certainty. Then again, that's just my opinion, and so you could try turning it into a question :)