We are crew, not passengers

I was lucky enough to visit Milton Road Primary School the other day. As a visitor, I signed a declaration on arrival — and one of the school's core values was written right there on it: "We are crew, not passengers." The same phrase was repeated on the wall and the head teacher's office was called the Captain's Headquarters. (And CREW is a helpful acronym for courage, responsibility, excellence and wisdom).

It stopped me in my tracks a little. It was such a beautiful, simple way to name a cultural value.

The head teacher told me the first assembly of every school year is built around this one value — a "we are an all-hands-on-deck school," right from day one. One way it shows up practically: on Fridays, everyone helps tidy the classroom, so the teacher and the children can all go home on time.

I came home and adopted it. We've always talked about being "a team;" but crew, not passengers, does something a team never quite managed. When the kids get up from the table without helping to clear it, I don't need to say much, our new motto says it all: "Hey — we're crew."

In my Three Pillars of a Steadier Home, increased clarity on the family culture you are building is the second pillar. And that increased clarity for us – we are crew, not passengers. And, this "all-hands-on-deck" mentality goes a long way towards increasing our capacity as parents, which just so happens to be the first pillar.

Building a family culture doesn't necessarily need long explanations. Sometimes all it needs is a phrase short enough to say in passing, true enough that everyone already knows what it means, and enough time for it to move from idea to instinct.

Does your family have phrases like this already? And if not, what's one that might fit?

(Email me your ideas or examples – I'm always keen to hear what other families do!).

Notice the friction that keeps repeating in your week — the same small standoff, over and over. What value might counter it? See if a short phrase could name it.

Free poster attached: I turned "We are crew, not passengers" into a poster. Take it, adapt it, make it yours.

Download the poster →