Building a way of communicating that outlasts childhood.

In my Three Pillars of a Steadier Home framework, the second is culture. A lot of what I work on with parents is clarity — clarity about the kind of family they're actually trying to build. One of the biggest pieces of that culture is communication.

We often frame this as a one-way question: how should I talk to my kids? But the more helpful question is wider — how do we all want to talk to one another in this home, whatever our role or age?

In Thursday's workshop, I shared something we've leaned on as a family: the nonviolent communication framework pioneered by Marshall Rosenberg. Stay with observation, name your feelings, identify the unmet need underneath, then make a request. Not: "You don't care how much time I spend cleaning up after you," but something closer to: "I've noticed that you didn't put away your colouring pens after you were finished with them. I feel sad because I would like tidying up to be a shared responsibility. Can we agree to put things away when we're finished with them?"

My wife and I discovered it as adults. We have been passing it on to our children, and it's sinking in. Our youngest is starting to catch it in real time — she can tell when we're labelling and interpreting her actions instead of observing. We're not just managing today's conflict; we're laying down a pattern for how we'll navigate life together when they're adults too.

Communication is one of the few skills we can hand on that keeps working long after the parenting itself has changed shape.

Think back to how you grew up. What's one way of communicating in your childhood home that you actually want to carry forward? And on the other side — what's one way of communicating you experienced growing up that you'd rather not pass on?

At some point today — maybe at the end of the day, maybe over a coffee — pause and ask yourself: what would it look like to stay with observation, rather than interpretation, with the people in my house? Not "you don't care...," but "I noticed you walked past the jumper on the floor." Not "you never tidy up," just what's actually there. See if you can catch the moment before the story gets added.