When you're both trying to get it right, and still clashing.

Probably the most common complaint I hear from parents isn't about their child at all. It's about their partner.

They parent differently to how you would. And somehow, how you each respond to your child becomes the thing you argue about — not the behaviour itself, but how to handle the behaviour. The arguments keep happening. Same disagreement, different Tuesday.

Two people, raising a child together, who usually want the exact same thing for that child — and still end up at odds with each other over how to get there.

Sound familiar? (You might enjoy this month's free workshop and September's upcoming course).

Where do you and your partner repeatedly disagree on how to handle a particular behaviour in your child?

Next time you catch yourselves in that disagreement, pause and ask: Is this a capacity issue, or a clarity issue?

Capacity — your partner is showing up maxed out, and their response is coming from an empty tank, not a considered choice.

Clarity — you're both working from different models of what the behaviour even is. One sees defiance. The other sees an overwhelmed nervous system. Same moment, two different stories about what it means.

You won't solve it in one conversation. But naming which one it is — capacity or clarity — may change the tone of the next argument, even before it changes the outcome.